Subject: relationships

Can I tell you about this relationship I had…?! Is that too unprofessional? It was a weird one. Hardly know where to start really.

I mean it all began fine, he was friendly or whatever.

 

 

And I was like, cool. And then it got flirty and the more we flirted the more I was like, right, something’s happening here.

He even gave me this cute nickname

 

 

And it was like, ok, wow, hello there

 

 

and things got steamier and steamier between us,

 

 

and eventually, you know, blah blah blah… and we started going out.

For a while it was great and stuff, but then during our first Christmas together, he got a little… obsessive,

 

 

a little clingy. And I was still in the throes, you know, of this new love or whatever, but I should have seen the warning signs I guess.

So months went by, dating dating… and then we’d been going out for a while, and you know when you’ve been going out for a while it maybe starts to get a little monotonous, a little repetitive,

 

 

and it’s like oh my god come on already, where’s the spontaneity. I mean there was the occasional gesture

 

 

which was nice but it wasn’t magical, and I wanted magic. And I’d be like, hey, so, that’s not quite what I meant when I said magic so instead can you…? but then he’d just pause and look at me and be like

 

 

Fine. So that’s how it stayed and before we knew it Christmas had come round again. And it was like, deja vu. Everything was the same, same, same, same.

 

 

And that was it, that was enough.

So I ended it.

 

 

But then, wow. Seriously. Floodgates. He kept pestering me. I told him, stop contacting me… guess what he didn’t stop. He started trying to convince me to go out with him again,

 

 

in all sorts of ways, like pretending he got what had gone wrong and stuff,

 

 

and I was like, no, and then he was like

 

 

but again I was like no, and after that he escalated things and got sort of melodramatic,

 

 

sort of threatening, even?

 

 

and weird

 

 

and then another day he’d just pull it back and sort of try being all confident

 

 

making all these promises about what he could do for me

 

 

like whatever. It’s too late. And then I think he realised that because he got all wistful, like oh hey, remember what we had,

 

 

and then more and more… desperate

 

 

and like

 

 

lame. He just got really lame.

Because, ok, you know when you’ve been going out with someone and you think they’re literally the best thing ever, then you break up, then you see them months later and they’re like

 

 

and you’re like oh my god, how did I used to fancy you?! It was like that.

But then he went through this phase of getting… well… he got me worried, for a while, I mean he got little quiet and sad

 

 

and started asking me all these weird questions…

 

 

Looking back he might have been going through some kind of… existential… crisis?

 

 

He definitely got delusional at one point

 

 

and just… bizarre.

 

 

And then the last straw was that he started talking like we were still together?!

 

 

So after that, I was thinking, you know, what the hell, so I met up with him, we had this huge long talk and this time, at last, it seemed to sink in.

 

 

So that was months ago. And he hadn’t been in touch at all since this morning, when he sent me this weird… gloat, I guess?

Which felt a bit, you know, unnecessary.

Like he feels the need to tell me hey, I’ve moved on, moved on way way way past you.

 

 

Whatever.